Diary of a Happy, Fat Woman…

March 16, 2010 at 1:01 pm Leave a comment

Weight: 261.2

I have decided to weigh in every single day.  I got the idea from Molly over at I Will Not Diet.  Not to beat myself up about my weight, but for a variety of different reasons.  Some of them include:

  1. Getting honest about what we weigh and taking away the power of thinking that everyone must weigh less than I/you do.
  2. Taking away the power the scale has over me – in shaping my thoughts about who I am, what I am worth and how I should feel.
  3. Documenting my weight loss progress and keeping me honest.

And this is how I look today:

This is how a woman who weighs 261.2 looks on a Tuesday morning. (I apologize for the grainy photo, I am still figuring out my camera settings!)

I will be taking pictures of myself, too.  Because I like fashion and I am learning to like the way I look.  It’s slow progress, but this is my journey – and maybe, it’s yours, too.

The drive in to work this morning was nothing short of awesome.  I blasted neosoul music, particularly Jill Scott and Maxwell.  Jill Scott is a  big inspiration to me.  She not only sings beautiful, positive, life-affirming songs, but she’s becoming a great actress and she represents women of size well.  And Maxwell‘s music (especially, circa mid-1990’s), is just lovely. 

I like to take the words to love songs and apply them to myself.  So, instead of thinking or singing to someone else, I sing love songs to myself.  It can be hokey, but it feels good, particularly when you’re alone in your car.  Have you ever been just brimming to overflow with love for yourself?  Not the arrogance of conceit, but love for who you are what you’ve been through and where you’re going?

That’s where I am right now.  I’ve spent many, many moons putting myself down and now I am taking conscious efforts to build myself up.  I’ve heard the theory that if you want love, you have to love yourself and I think it’s both true and false.  I love plenty of people whose actions don’t show that they love themselves, but I know if they could just shake off their negative feelings about themselves, they could feel my love and the love that others have for them a lot more clearly.  And the same can be said for you and me.

Loving yourself is a unique, individual thing.  There are some things that are clearly signs of a lack of love and respect for yourself, but I’m not talking about those things.  For me, personally, loving myself means not letting negative thoughts about myself and my efforts take root.  It means not overeating.  It means taking the time out to dress in clothes that I like, to do my hair and makeup.  It means minimizing my tendency to procrastinate, which helps minimize stress in my life. It means moving my body in playful ways.  It means not dieting anymore.

Loving myself means living a positive life regardless of what I weigh.  And that’s my major life’s work at the moment.

Enough philosophy for the morning!

Some planned eats today:

A ham + cheese lunchable, plums, and biscoff.


Also, tea…

I am a major tea lover!

So, I am planning to walk a half-hour at lunch with Holly J.  That’s progress, yo.  Plus we get to gossip, which is one of my greatest hobbies 😉

Peace out (said Kip from Napolean Dynamite style).


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