Posts tagged ‘attraction’

Are men attracted to fat women?

Weight: 262.8 

Good morning.  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

This is how a 262.8 pound woman looks like on a Wednesday morning 🙂

I wore green for the holiday.

Last night I was surfing to the ends of the Internet and I found this thread on Peer Trainer.  It was the first hit on Google and had over 100+ posts in the thread, so I thought it would be an interesting read.  It was.

I find the initial question that has been asked so many times over the Internet highly amusing.  It’s obvious that there are plenty of men who find fat women attractive.  Fat women fall in love, date, get married and have babies every single day.

I guess the question is a way of seeking validation amid a sea of insecurity.  The bottom line is that thinner women are revered as the standard of beauty in our country and it is acceptable to malign, make fun of, joke about and tease larger women.  This is done to larger men as well, but on a much smaller scale.

It amazes me to see the digust and disdain for large women that is displayed by men.  I wonder why it can be deemed such an offense to them.  But like any other form of hatred, it’s nearly impossible to pin down the whys behind it.  Whenever I find myself reflecting on it too much, I remember the lessons that I’ve learned as a black woman. 

In the last decade or so, the perception of black women as beautiful has evolved greatly, but not so much.  I still remember two white male classmates having a discussion about me within earshot.  One asked the other, “What do you think of her?”  and the other responded, “She’s okay, but I don’t have jungle fever.”  Growing up in this environment taught me that the opinions of others are sometimes not worth much.

So, in that regard, when I hear men maligning large women, I really consider the source.  Men who show disdain for fat women are not attractive to me for several reasons.

  1. It occurs to me that their disdain is rooted in their own insecurity.  Men who are not confident in themselves choose women not soley based on feelings of love, but also in terms of perceived status among their peers – and this type of shallow, narcisstic man does not appeal to me.
  2. Some men who put on a show for other men are ashamed of their own desires and are seeking validation from others by denying the very thing that they desire most.
  3. Other men are subconsciously afraid of powerful women.  A nifty way to control women is to force them to focus on controlling their size.

Women as status symbols is not my cup of tea and neither is living in denial of what you want.  I think that a life based primarily on status is not worth living.  I also think that when you deny what you want, it only creates further problems, evidenced here and here and here.  I’m not saying that you’ll get what you want, but it’s a lot easier to be honest with yourself and others about your desires.  For instance, I want to be a NYT’s bestselling author.  It might not happen, but it’s what I want. 

All that being said, I have been a fat woman for the last 13 years.  I get hit on no more or less than I did when I was thin.  Mind you, I’ve been married for just about 12 years.  But I’ll share with you the more memorable of my own personal truths.

I am no prettier than the next girl.

I have been hit on by white men, black men, African men, Hispanic men and Middle Eastern men.  I have been hit on by blue collar workers and professional men.  I have been hit on by teenagers, men in their fifties and in between.  I have been hit on by large men, skinny men and average men.  I’ve been hit on by short men and tall men.  I’ve been hit on by men who I consider very attractive and men I don’t.

There have been pizza boys, produce shoppers, library patrons, nurses, dope boys, cashiers, factory workers, and professionals who have asked me for my number, out for dinner or coffee, or just for a roll in the hay.

The single, connecting event in all but a handful of these experiences was the fact that I was confident in my self-worth and attractiveness when these men approached me.  Considering the vast amount of time I’ve spent being insecure in my self-worth and attractiveness, this should make a bold statement.

I think one central truth that we, as women, need to grasp is that there is no Prince Charming.  A love relationship is a very satisfying and beautiful experience but it will not make your life worth living.  You have to make your life worth living regardless of whether or not you’re coupled up, making a ton of money or living out any of your dreams.

The dream isn’t the boyfriend or the marriage or the NYT Bestseller.  The dream is being alive and living.

Off of my soapbox….

Some planned eats today:

Banana para la Banana 🙂

And have you ever seen Peach Fanta?

I’ve cut way down on my pop consumption, but this is a gift from my co-worker Charlette, who got it from Mississippi.  I’ll report back on flavor later.

I also had tea this morning.

I have to attend a luncheon today.  I have my camera on hand, so I might get some good photos, depending on the environment when I get there.  I’m still a tad camera shy around strangers.

Catch y’all laterz, yo.

Advertisements

March 17, 2010 at 1:28 pm Leave a comment


Banana's My Name

That’s what she said